Terrorist TV

Terrorist TV: The Bad, The Ugly, The Boring, And The Stupid

By: Rachel Marsden

Iran has just launched Press TV, its 24-hour English language satellite news channel to counter what Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad calls western "propaganda."

So I've decided this week to take my own romp through the Islamic world, to counter Press TV propaganda.

Infidels like legs: Want to win hearts and minds, Press TV? Lose the hijab. Infidels don't dig it. Neither, apparently, do a lot of Muslim radicals. Ask any counter-terror agent about the disproportionate time spent following suspects to casinos and strip clubs rather than mosques.

Boring videos: The latest hour-and-a-half worth of video from the al-Qaida Lecture Series has its number two man, Ayman al-Zawahiri, giving "sleeper" cells a whole new meaning.

Here's a typical line: "The stage preceding victory is normally, in the history of nations, the stage in which there is most seen an increase in conspiracies, plots and inciting of discord in an attempt by the enemy, who has begun to see his defeat approach, to push back and delay the defeat as much as he can."

How about talking in soundbites? And for lessons on punching up the talk of conspiracy and western defeat, check out the Democrats on CSPAN.

"Brown" nosing: New British Prime Minister Gordon Brown says he doesn't want to associate the word "Muslim" with the recent terrorist activity in his country. No word yet on whether it's still alright to offend the medical profession by calling them "doctors."

If only Gordon Brown had been around during World War II to erase "Nazis" from the lexicon, they'd have traded their jackboots for flip-flops.

Given that they were foreign-trained doctors, how about kick-starting that debate on western countries recognizing foreign credentials?

And he's a liar, too: According to CNN, a British Anglican cleric working in Baghdad said of a man he met in Jordan believed by authorities to be al-Qaida linked: "It was amazing, really. They were meeting to talk about peace and he didn't say anything about peace."

Well maybe that's because in his world, "peace" means blowing stuff up?

Terrorist catfight: Palestinian terrorist groups Hamas and Fatah are at each other's throats again, fighting over who has the bigger Jimmy in the Gaza Strip. Hamas is even calling Fatah officials gay, which, incidentally, is how I knew I won an argument when I was in Grade 2.

The last time the two groups had a propaganda dustup was when Hamas TV aired terrorist mouse, Farfur, a Mickey Mouse doppelganger, and Fatah argued it was a bit much. Please.

The only significant difference between these groups would be the brand of backpack they put the bomb in. Incidentally, Farfur was recently killed for his "land" by a Jew. I don't think the two groups will be fighting over an alternate ending for the DVD version.

Sarkozy needs to go for another jog: French President Nicolas Sarkozy carved out some time to support an idiotic "goodwill" gesture by Israel's unelected acting PM Ehud Olmert, who wants to kiss up to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas' Fatah posse by releasing 250 Fatah terrorists. Sure, Fatah likes to kill Hamas (good), but they also like to blow up buses (bad).

Hey Sarko, pretend it's a fight between two sharks on Animal Planet. Grab the popcorn, put on a Streisand CD, and let the terrorists go at each other.

Educating the world on the subtle nuances between Mideast terrorists is Jimmy Carter's job.

PUBLISHED: TORONTO SUN (July 8/07)