Psst - We Don't Really Need Liberals

Psst - We Don't Really Need Liberals

By: Rachel Marsden

Recent events in American politics suggest liberals are clowns with zero sense of perspective. No wonder Americans don't elect them anymore. Canadians need to wise up and get in on the joke.

Last week, the liberal media fell over itself as a U.S. special prosecutor charged vice-presidential aide "Scooter" Libby with lying, during the investigation of a non-crime, about whether he first heard a CIA operative's name from a reporter or from somewhere else.

Who cares? We've got the president of Iran rapping like Eminem about "wiping Israel off the map," and the liberal priority, as articulated by Democratic Senate Leader Harry Reid, is: "When is (President George Bush's chief of staff) Karl Rove going to resign?"

Next: "Does that cloud look like Elvis?"

As Iraqis risked being fragged by terrorists and participated in their second democratic vote, liberals predicted failure of the constitutional referendum. When it succeeded, many of them found God for the first time with cries of "theocracy."

Now they're bracing for "civil war." How about focusing on the political one you're losing at home, instead of doing pom-pom routines with the terrorists?

We don't need liberals. Not only do these perpetual pessimists consume valuable oxygen which, as they keep telling us, will be gone soon enough, but they're like kiddies sitting at the short table, thrashing out gems like "Bushitler!" and "no oil!" while the grownups try to get things done.

On the eve of CIA-leak prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald's charges last week, liberal bloggers celebrated "Fitzmas" -- their own version of Christmas. It's as if things are so bad that they need to invent more reasons to drink.

Conservatives are capable of opposing themselves quite effectively. And that's a reason to vote them in to office, not to keep them out like we do in Canada. Democrats didn't eviscerate Bush's Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers -- Republicans did.

From Watergate to Iran-Contra, liberals got ahead in America by sitting around waiting for conservatives to screw up while getting things done. Just as a dog knows whether it has been kicked by accident or on purpose, so do voters. Except, apparently, if you're a Canadian and still vote Liberal.

We don't need the liberal media anymore, either. CBS President Les Moonves seemed to clue in to that fact recently when he put some tight-end from the sports division in charge of developing a "new vision" for CBS News. Wasn't last season's Rock Star: INXS winner available?

Media liberals are generally so useless that they need to slope the playing field to score a win. Our own CBC does long interviews with conservatives and then hacks them up into five-second clips, surrounded by editorializing like, "This is Rachel. She hates health care."

U.S. liberal radio host and author Al Franken has resorted to staging Jerry-Springer-style fights against fake conservative opponents. In a recent promotional video for his new book, he breaks a stool over the back of some actor hired to play a conservative critic, and then knees him in the bod-rod.

Canadian liberal clowns are no different from American ones. Thanks to them, gays can now get married and you can read more Canadian content in split-run magazines. Big whoop. Meanwhile, violent crime is on the rise in big cities like Toronto.

Of course, if you believe liberal propagandist Michael Moore's movie Bowling for Columbine, Toronto is apparently so safe that no one even locks their doors.

PUBLISHED: TORONTO SUN (November 1/05)