Liberal Use of Language: A Glossary

Liberal Use of Language: A Glossary

By: Rachel Marsden

Officials of that great bastion of liberalism -- the European Union -- reportedly want to replace the term "Islamic terrorism" with "terrorists who abusively invoke Islam." According to the EU Observer, other terms under review include "jihad," "Islamist," and "fundamentalist,"

It's hardly the first time that liberals have taken the English language and made it their own. Here's my handy glossary of commonly used leftist terms, and what they really mean:

Social justice: Spreading the misery of socialism equally throughout society.

Enlightened: A person who refuses to accept that socialism has failed everywhere it has been tried.

Journalist: A news person who, under the guise of objectivity, slants coverage to the left.

Hack: Any media member who introduces a right-wing viewpoint into a political discussion.

Balance: Left vs. far-left (e.g., Hillary Clinton debating Ted Kennedy).

Progressive: Elementary school children writing book reports about Huck Finn--taking a trip with Tom Sawyer up Brokeback Mountain.

Environmentalists: Celebrities who brag about their environmentally friendly hybrid cars while tooling around the world in gas-guzzling private jets. Liberals who can't afford a car also use this label so they don't appear pathetic to friends.

Filmmaker: Anyone who cranks out anti-Bush propaganda, like Michael Moore.

CBC: Like Michael Moore, only more bloated.

Propagandist: Mel Gibson, because he made a movie about Jesus.

Freedom fighters: Terrorists whose goal is to destroy Western democracy.

Terrorist: George Bush, or anyone who wants to harm "freedom fighters."

Feminist: A woman who constantly points out how hard it is to get things done, because of men.

Anti-feminist: A woman who just gets things done, without the whining.

Multiculturalism: The belief that traditional Canadian values aren't enough to make our country great.

Affirmative action: Liberal-sanctioned racism and sexism.

Quagmire: Any struggle that lasts longer than it takes for a liberal to down a Starbucks latte.

War: A quagmire to be avoided at all costs, unless it's for the purpose of fighting poverty or homelessness -- in which case no victory or end is ever necessary.

God: Pierre Trudeau.

The Resurrection: Justin Trudeau leading the Liberal Party's new youth task force.

Higher education: Four or more years spent napping on desks while listening to leftist brainwashing.

Culture/Art: Anything government funded that amounts to a twist on (a) what your dog dropped on your lawn this morning, or (b) what you presented in a small plastic cup to your doctor during your last physical.

Multi-national corporations: Evil entities that interrupt welfare collection efforts.

Hidden agenda: Conservative ideas that are likely to prove more popular than liberal ones.

Fundamental truths: Lies.

Top priorities: Lies.

Pseudoscience: Any real scientific research that debunks crackpot theories promoted by famed liberal environmental expert, Al Gore.

Torture: Frat-party activities that occur on foreign soil, in the presence of U.S. military personnel. Murder, rape and violence perpetrated by communist regimes don't count.

United Nations: Impotent, glorified debating club in which defenders of freedom and democracy foot the bill to entertain the musings of dictators and thugs.

Bush lied: A catch-all that means, "I have no idea how to debate this issue intelligently."

PUBLISHED: TORONTO SUN (April 21/06)